tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10427992000805313632024-03-06T00:58:51.494-06:00La Chambre d'OrchideeStaciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.comBlogger162125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-9813051276940545242009-05-30T08:29:00.002-05:002009-05-30T09:00:52.535-05:00Too muchSo I have been struggling with things a lot lately and it has been causing a bit of stress in my life. Okay, that may be an understatement. It has been causing a lot of stress in my life. A lot of if you look at me wrong I will rip your testicles off and hang them in my cube stress. Ask mommy one more "what if*" question and I will banish you to the basement for the rest of the day stress. Yesterday was so bad one of my team mates walked to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-error">Walgreens</span> and bought me an ice cream sandwich. <br /><br />Thankfully, after tomorrow, the kids activities are done. <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">Caden's</span> last soccer game is today. Payton's dance recital is tomorrow. No more rushing from dance class to practice and then home and trying to get dinner and baths and homework in before the kids have to go to bed. No more cutting my Saturday in half to take the kids to soccer games anymore. I have a little bit more me time. That is, of course, if me time is classified as more time to wipe pee off the bathroom walls** and scoop poop.<br /><br />In an attempt to relax a bit, we are taking the kids to the Chancery and then to Up. Of course, this may back fire because taking the kids out to eat usually ends up being more stressful than relaxing. They usually crawl under the table, spill their milk, have to go to the bathroom 3 times, and eat about 2 bites of their $8 meal. Good thing they serve alcohol at the movies because by the time we are done with dinner I will need it. <br /><br />And my parents are coming back for a visit in July. I have the entire week they are home off and we have some great plans. The beach, a Brewers game, the zoo, a fish fry, and even some 4<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">th</span> of July cook out and firework fun. It will be great. And they are not all <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-error">interferey</span> and tell me I am doing everything wrong parents. They are supportive and loving and sit down <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-error">hun,</span> dad and I will do the dishes kind of parents. Now I just need to make it there without killing anyone or rendering anyone unable to reproduce.<br /><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">*Mommy...what if my shoes were pink? Mommy...what if we lived in that house? Mommy...what if daddy had <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">blond</span> hair? Mommy..what if Phantom was a girl? Mommy..what if daddy still had his old car?</span></em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;"></span></em><br /><em><span style="font-size:85%;">**Seriously, the boy treats his penis like a <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">fire hose</span>. He has absolutely no aim and sprays pee everywhere. Thankfully we have tile that goes about 4 feet up the walls because it is easy clean. </span></em>Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-36107083568017913572009-05-28T21:58:00.003-05:002009-05-28T22:17:43.370-05:00This is whyI just don't understand how other women do it. How do they work, take care of their family, keep their house clean, manage their finances, keep in shape, keep up with groceries, and whatever the hell else they do! I just don't understand. <br /><br />Lets take my mother for example. I am starting to believe my mom was the ultimate super woman. Our house was spotless all the time (and it was not a small house). You couldn't tell we had two birds, two cats, and two kids living in that house. The laundry was religiously done on Wednesday and Saturday. The shopping was religiously done every other Friday. The litter box was clean, the bird cage was practically poop free (and if you have ever had a bird you know how impossible a task that is). She found time to spend with my dad and her kids. She did this with minor complaining and still managed to get to bed by 9 every night <em>and </em>keep up with her reading! AND she worked a good 50 hours a week...with a 30 minute commute...one way! I just don't know how she did it.<br /><br />Me, well hell, I haven't balanced the check book in a month. The pile of receipts in my wallet is getting so thick I can't close the thing anymore. My fitness routine has fallen by the wayside, my dinners have become chicken nuggets and pasta. I have had the cable box sitting next to the TV for a month and still haven't returned it to the mall. My car's emissions have to be tested and I haven't done it yet...my registration expires Sunday.<br /><br />I think my problem is sleep. I need to get at least 10 hours of sleep a night. When I don't get 10 hours I am not a nice person to be around. If I go too many nights in a row without 10 hours I physically get sick...like throw up by the side of the road sick. Now, one would think 14 hours is a good amount of time to get stuff done in the day right? Um, no, not so much. Take into consideration getting ready time and drive time and you eliminate 2 hours...were down to 12. Take out the 8.5 hours a day I work and we are down to 3.5 hours a day. I have to cook, work out, clean, pay bills, balance the check, attempt to keep in touch with family and friends, make time for ballet, soccer, swimming, and t-ball. When do I get to spend time with my husband? When do I get to read a book that makes me cry so hard I can't read the page anymore? When do I get me time?<br /><br />This is what I struggle with. This is why my poor blog is neglected. This is why I eat two ice cream cones instead of dinner. This is why I am crabby with my husband. This is why sometimes the cat runs out of food and I don't notice. This is why.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-64459971200438146192009-05-20T08:13:00.003-05:002009-05-20T09:12:30.883-05:00Lets hear it for the girls!There are two ladies in my life who are like sisters to me. Unfortunately, one of those women lives way too far away. But that doesn't matter, she still found time to leave me a wonderfully funny (to us at least) <a href="http://pmkauth.blogspot.com/">post</a> for my birthday. Thanks Mere! As of 3:31am this morning, I am 29. Just one year away from th-th-th-irty. I don't think I will make it through the year. I'm just not ready for that number which will not be named. I know, I know, in my 100 things about me post I said I was ready but I totally am not ready.<br /><br />The other of those two ladies is planning on hog tying me and dragging me out tonight. Unfortunately, Payton was crying every 20 to 30 minutes from 10:45pm until 3am. I was up with her, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her, trying not to loose my cool because it totally wasn't her fault but I was totally tired and really needed to go to bed. She is a talker when she has nightmares and said some pretty funny things. What causes a 7 year old to have nightmares all friggin' night long, you ask? Here are some snippets of what I got out of here while she was mumbling in her sleep:<br /><br />1) No! Don't put the cup down! It's scary! (don't put the cup down? What the hell is so frightening about a cup?)<br /><br />2) Stop it Lucia, I don't want to play that game. (I couldn't get her tell me what the game was. It was a secret game and, even in her sleep, wouldn't give up the secret)<br /><br />3) No Caden! Don't CADEN! That IS MY snack! (aw, a fat girl at heart)<br /><br />4) CADEN! STOP IT! (I hear that all day, it just makes sense she sees it her dreams, too.)<br /><br />5) CADEN! Leave me ALONE!!!!!! (hmmm...do you see a theme developing here?)<br /><br />Poor little thing, her brother even torments her in her dreams.<br /><br />But I digress, I am exhausted today. I will be shocked if I make it past 7pm. Maybe I will throw back some vault, go for a run, and make it until 9pm. Of course, maybe not. PK might have to drag me home and tuck me into bed. <br /><br />OOOOOO! Speaking of going for a run. I have a totally new way to get a mini work out everyday! We finally have access to the stairwell. Before we could get in but only get out on the 1st or 20th floors. That means I had no choice but to take the elevator from the 4th floor (that's where I park) to the 11th floor. But, they put a little key card lock on the 11th floor stairwell so now I can take the stairs instead of the elevator. That is 7 flights up everyday. Add that to the 1.5 blocks I walk to get from my car to the door and I get a nice little mini work out in the morning!<br /><br />Okay, off to enjoy my birthday with my favorite breakfast. Well, second breakfast. Joe and the kids made me waffles. but off the grocery store to buy a mocha latte and a tub of raspberries. The perfect breakfast!Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-49605519499774289972009-05-18T22:24:00.002-05:002009-05-18T22:33:11.741-05:00Home Depot here we comeSince 12:30pm today....<br /><br />.....the garage door broke. Had to pull the little string thing and manually close the door. Joe got home and it worked (of course, make me look like a complete dumbass who can't push a button). Time to get a new one.<br /><br />......the washer flooded the basement. It pissed water all over the floor for several hours. If I hadn't needed ice cream and gone to check the basement freezer it would have continued to piss water all night long. Joe cleaned up the water and got the machine to drain properly. Time to get a new one.<br /><br />.......the dryer started making this odd scraping noise while Joe was cleaning up the washing machine piss. He got a screw driver and made the noise go away. This is not the first noise this machine has made in the last several months. Time to get a new one.<br /><br />May is not a good month for us. Last May we had to replace the carpet in the basement toy room due to a serious flood. We also had to replace our fridge last May. Looks like I will be getting a new washer/dryer/garage door for my birthday. Yeah me! I know, you are jealous. Maybe if you ask nice you can get a new garage door for your birthday too.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-22658222310434795862009-05-17T21:51:00.002-05:002009-05-17T21:59:59.439-05:00When men clean the carpetMe: Hey baby, how was your night.<br /><br />Joe: Fine, the dog puked on the carpet.<br /><br />Me: That sucks (noticing the little green clean machine)...thanks for cleaning it up.<br /><br />Joe: Yup<br /><br />Two hours later<br /><br />Me: Hey babe, what did you use to clean the puke up<br /><br />Joe: Oxy clean<br /><br />Me: Oh really, huh....did you pour is out of the spray bottle?<br /><br />Joe: No, I used Oxy Clean<br /><br />Me: Then why is it blue?<br /><br />Joe: What?<br /><br />Me: If you used Oxy clean why is the water blue? Where did you get the Oxy clean from?<br /><br />Joe: From under the kitchen sink. <br /><br />Me: But the Oxy clean is in the bathroom<br /><br />Joe: I used those granules under the kitchen sink.<br /><br />Me: (thinking about what the hell he could have used from under that sink that was blue, then I realized) You used plant food!<br /><br />Joe: What?<br /><br />Me: You used plant food! Is this what you used? (showing him the container)<br /><br />Joe: Yup. Hey, it did a great job cleaning up the mess. <br /><br />Plant food. He used miracle grow granules in the little green clean machine to clean up the dog puke. Thankfully, he did not stain the carpet. At least he cleaned it up.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-75834010219915176332009-05-13T22:45:00.003-05:002009-05-13T22:53:36.487-05:00Oh PaytonThe scene: The four of us are in the car on the way home from Joe's birthday dinner* as we pass a construction site<br /><br />Payton: What is that big blue thing over there?<br /><br />Me: That is a porta potty<br /><br />Payton: Ewww (giggle, giggle). That's gross.<br /><br />Me: It would be great for you though because you would never have to flush again.**<br /><br />Payton: (giggle, giggle). Oh! Mommy! What if (giggle) what if they men (giggle) what if they all went poop and none of them flushed and then they all had to sit on a giant mound of poop and then they would be pooping (giggle) they would be pooping on the poop!<br /><br />Joe: Payton that is twisted. You have a twisted mind little girl.<br /><br />Payton (giggle, giggle)<br /><br />*Happy Birthday baby! For the next 7 days you are officially older than me!<br /><br />**She never flushes! Never. Ever. Flushes. I can't tell you how many times I have walked into off colored and off textured poo sitting on the bottom of the bowl. Every. Single. Day.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-58231022213101534602009-05-08T20:49:00.002-05:002009-05-08T21:07:04.717-05:00Come on people!Why? WHY! Why is it if you are of child bearing age and you say to someone "I've been really tired lately" or "Man I have been dizzy today" or "These headaches are driving me crazy" people automatically assume you are pregnant? And they ask "Are you pregnant???" all excited like you are going to blush and say yes. <br /><br />Seriously, just because I am 29 and could probably conceive a child if I tried hard enough is the only possible explanation that Joe went and knocked me up? Do people honestly believe that the only reason a 29 year old woman can be tired or dizzy or have a headache is because she is pregnant? And don't they think if she was pregnant and that was the reason for the symptoms maybe she wouldn't announce them. Maybe she would keep that to herself?<br /><br />Isn't it possible that maybe, just maybe, that 29 year old woman is helping her brother through a divorce, working 2 jobs, and trying to take care of the inside and outside of a home? Maybe her dog snores. Maybe her husband starts violently yanking the covers from her at 4am. Maybe her son grinds his teeth so fucking loud that it can be heard two rooms over. Maybe she is really busy at work and forgot to eat all god damn day. Maybe if she has meetings scheduled from 7am until 4pm didn't have time to eat. Maybe, just maybe, she is just TIRED! <br /><br />So, to the 12 coworkers who asked today, I AM NOT PREGNANT! I am just tired. Yes I went to bed at 8:15 last night. Yes, I was in bed by 9 the night before. Yes, it is 9 now and I am exhausted. But if one more of you asks if I am pregnant I am going to go off on your little bitch asses and trust me, you don't want that.<br /><br />Fuck, I am tired. I just read through this again and realized I referred to myself as 29 more than once. I am 28...for a few more weeks at least.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-74608203273394221032009-05-06T19:57:00.002-05:002009-05-06T21:06:34.641-05:00Ds how I love thee, let me count the waysPayton got DS for Christmas. Caden got one for his birthday. We mulled over the decision to buy him a DS. He was just 5, he couldn't read yet, the games are a bit harder than the Leapster, blah blah blah. Anyway, we gave in and got him one. <br /><br />And we couldn't have been more wrong! Not only is he just the right age for a DS but he totally rocks at it. He could kick my ass in Mario any day. And he totally kicks ass in Sonic. DS has made my life so much easier. No longer do I hear the words that are like nails on a chalk board - "I'm bored" No longer do I need to encourage the kids to play nice because now they just play next to each other. <br /><br />Of course they are not allowed to play it in the morning before school and have some pretty strict limits when the weather is nice. But come night fall the DS gets turned on and there is peace in my life again. The kids giggle and laugh with each other as they battle on Mario. They joyfully watch Daddy get to level 8 and beat the castle while I joyfully sit in bed and read a book. Yes! I actually read a book! With big words and small print! And no pictures! Books with sex in them! Books about murder and lust and affairs. Naughty books!<br /><br />The DS has saved my life. The more they play the better they get. The better they get the less I have to help. The less I have to help the more I can do things that I enjoy. The more I do things I enjoy, the happier I get. I love you DS. Please, never leave me.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-12926997084839301692009-05-05T22:53:00.003-05:002009-05-05T23:06:58.873-05:00They're baaaackWe don't like squirrels in our house. They dig holes in the yard and in the new mulch. They eat the bird seed and my plants. We hate squirrels. Last year, Joe was getting so pissed at the squirrels he started shooting them with a paintball gun. It took him until August to to get so pissed off that he resorted to shooting them. Correction, shooting near them. He didn't want to kill them, just scare them.<br /><div></div><br /><div>A few weeks ago I was washing dishes and saw a squirrel digging in the mulch. It would dig them jump up on a bench and stare in the window right at me. It was like it was taunting me. Then it would turn around, shake it's tail, and do it all over again. I called Joe to come watch this little fucker screw with us and he was pissed. </div><br /><div></div><div>He went into the basement to get the paintball gun. He stood at the backdoor, gun in hand, and aimed at the squirrel. I braced for the fire and the little squirrel squeal but it never came. Instead, I heard pssssssssst.....plop. Joe had run out of CO2. Instead of hitting the squirrel, the paintball rolled out of the barrel and landed on the patio. Now, instead of being squirrel free, I have a red paint stain on the patio and squirrels who mock me. Just fucking great.</div><br /><div></div><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5332556891528916930" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 320px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 214px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj89kvjZddmIr7HcvAHVJ7LtXgRILi01O7MGqJR-yvLlHX1z04di5oqyPSxTwaINPAhb_HkmC7mni2tDb-z98wuU1mcqvjP91g1j2msEz4AK1EIj_-2iLjGRUT9WjSrz92wWgwVODzIT7g/s320/100_3331.JPG" border="0" /> <div></div>Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-65635598384759031632009-05-04T07:53:00.004-05:002009-05-04T08:45:03.821-05:00Mommy daughter timeCaden was with his aunt and uncle. Payton was dressed in her pretty little butterfly costume, ballet pink tights, and shoes. Her hair was in a bun and she had baby pink lipstick on her lips. We hopped in the car and headed to have Payton's ballet and jazz class pictures taken. The parking lot looked a bit empty when we arrived. Considering the entire studio was having pictures taken that day it seemed a bit odd. <br /><br />Then I noticed it, the tiny little note taped to the studio door: "Because of Oconomowoc high school's closing due suspected swine flu and the health boards recommendation to avoid gatherings of 50 or more, we will be canceling/rescheduling picture day." Dammit. I drove all the way out the Delafield only to find out the event was cancelled. <br /><br />So what is a girl and her mom supposed to do when an hour and a half of their day has just been freed up? Go shopping of course! We headed out the store to buy shoes, purses, and dresses. And shop we did! Payton walked away with 3 new pairs of shoes and, despite his absence, Caden landed 2 pairs of shoes. Payton also got two pretty sun dresses because what is summer without pretty sun dresses. <br /><br />Of course, picking out the dresses took up quite a bit of time. We had an hour and a half until we needed to leave the store and she spent about an hour of that time picking out dresses. The selection of dresses was just too good. She just couldn't decide. She would pick out a few, try them on, and reject them. They were too short, not pink enough, didn't spin right, or too long. It took about 45 minutes to get the first dress. The second came much quicker. We were about to give up and leave with just one when we saw it sticking out of the racks. We tried it on and she loved it. <br /><br />She was so excited about the dress she started jumping up and down in the dressing room. She didn't have a shirt on and noticed her non existent boobs were bouncing up and down. Actually, it was the skin that would eventually become boobs. She was so excited that it was bouncing she jumped higher and said "Look mommy! My boobies are bouncing! Look at them bounce!" I heard giggling from the room next to us and decided it was time to go. Payton got her shirt on, we paid, and headed home. <br /><br />In the car on the way home she told me her boobs were getting so big because she had a baby in her tummy. Otherwise they wouldn't have been able to bounce that good. I guess I am going to be a grandma at 28. That must some kind of record or something.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-21063244548932371302009-05-02T07:54:00.002-05:002009-05-02T08:26:14.516-05:00HelllllooooooooEh hem....Helllooooo....Is this thing on.....anyone out there???? So, um, yeah, it has been a while. Like two weeks awhile. Our lives have been unbelievably busy since Easter. We have something going on every night of the week and most weekend days. I have been struggling to find time to pay my bills and clean my house and exercise and I just haven't been able to find time to blog. The only time the computer gets touched anymore is to record deductions from the checkbook or work from home. I haven't even been on Facebook in two weeks! <br /><br />The dog has been sick. I have cleaned up poopy diarrhea and dog puke multiple times over the last week. He seems to be better now and I washed his toys to make sure any lingering bacteria was killed. Unfortunately, the carpet in the living room and dining room will never be the same.<br /><br />I have been tired lately. I have been in bed by 9:30 most nights. Thankfully we are slow at work right now so I haven't been working more than 45 to 50 hours a week. Of course it is nice out now so the yard and the house need attention. I have been doing a lot of planting this year and I am not even close to being done. Plus, we have maple trees and the little helicopter things fall to the ground and plant themselves and I have to pull up about 100 little baby trees every week. I am fixing up an area of the yard that has been neglected the past few years and am really excited about it. I will post some before and afters. <br /><br />The boy started to play soccer which takes up extra time. Monday nights and Saturdays are now soccer days. I am a soccer mom....but I will not become <em>that</em> mom. You know the one I am talking about. The obsessive, yelling, pushing, screaming, annoying mom. That will not be me.<br /><br />My poor brother is going through a divorce. His father in law died and his wife lost it. Just days after the death she moved out and then sent him a text....yes, a text, that she wanted a divorce. The little bitch ended their 10 year relationship with a text. And now she is working at Silk Exotic (just in case the name doesn't give it away it is a strip club). She certainly is putting her fake boobs to good use. Jason has been really lonely and I can't say that I blame him. He has been spending a lot of time here. He is usually here once a week for dinner and Saturday just to hang out. <br /><br />So that's it for now. I little update. I am not dead. I am just busy. I am struggling to make time in my life for things. I lost my balance and I need to find it again. Hopefully it will be back soon, my lack of balance is making me really, really crabby.<br /><br />Okay, off to take the boy to soccer, go to the grocery store, start a slow cooker dinner, work in the yard, clean the house, take the girl to have ballet pictures taken, and then entertain 4 friends at dinner. See...busy. And it sucks!Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-60797347428681769752009-04-17T21:42:00.002-05:002009-04-17T21:53:10.665-05:00Drinkin' with the boysRemember yesterday when I said I was going to be drinking tonight...I am totally drinking tonight! We started with a Malibu and pineapple. Then we did a shot of straight Malibu, then a slippery nipple, then a blow job, then something with vodka, then something else with more rum....and now I am having a good ole time with the boys! And Joe! Wow! He is having a great time! <br /><br />Pretty soon we will open up the vodka because we have almost tapped the rum. <br /><br />Oh shit, the hall light is flashing on and off...and on...and off. The girl is awake which means we are being way too loud. <br /><br />Alright she is back in bed and my fingers are starting to tingle...perhaps a sign of too much rum? Of course not! There is no such thing as too much rum!<br /><br />Okay, time to go do more shots! Real post to come soon, I promise!<br /><br />Hey, no misspellings found! Maybe I should write and drink more often!Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-34412936291934438382009-04-16T20:22:00.004-05:002009-04-16T20:31:33.654-05:00A crappy cop outIt has been a little while, I know. It isn't that I don't have anything <span style="color:#000000;">to</span> post about because I do. We have just been busy. I have a lot to update you on. Here is a taste of what is to come when I get off my ass write a real blog post.<br /><ul><li>Joe vs. the Squirrel</li><li>My adrenaline junky daughter</li><li>The fart heard round the world</li><li>My dream jobs (a meme courtesy of <a href="http://myrandomwisdom.blogspot.com/">Tiff</a>)</li><li>An egg hunt</li><li>The boy and his penis</li><li>My poor brother</li><li>Is is possible to have pregnancy brain and not be pregnant?</li></ul><p>Stop back in a few days for a few more posts with some actual substance. And definitely stop back tomorrow night because J is coming over to do shots so I can just imagine what that post will be like!</p>Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-67652513891347955772009-04-06T11:35:00.003-05:002009-04-06T13:41:12.121-05:00A New Me - Week....um....oh Hell I don't knowI need to get back on the treadmill and the yoga ball and the weights. I have been so bad lately. I'm not sure how but I will find time to start exercising again. I have a feeling my eating habits (most of the time they are good but I can't fight my cravings. Okay, I can fight them but I usually don't try very hard) will not allow to stay at my happy weight. Take, for example, the dinner I had last night. My intention was to have a Bocca burger with some fruit. But, Joe called me at work and said my brother was coming over. I knew he wouldn't eat a Bocca so my mind started wandering, trying to decide what to feed him.<br /><br />That is when it came to me like a message from heaven.....a ponza rotta. I know, I know, you are all thinking what in the hell is a ponza rotta. Because unless you have spent a good deal of time in Waukesha (and 99% of you have not) you have no idea what I am talking about. It is food from the gods. It is amazing. When you take a bite, grease actually drips down your hand all the way to your elbow! Think of it as a deep fried calzone only 300 times better. I can't even put into words how amazing these creations are. The restaurant is in a dirty nasty part of the city and hasn't been remodeled since 1970 and they only take cash. Despite this, they are busy all the time. Their parking lot is full and they always have piles of take outs waiting to be picked up. If they ever close their doors, I will cry.<br /><br />So, I ate about 3,000 calories for dinner last night and I doubt my hips and ass are happy about it. For that reason, I need to start working out again. My will power is not strong enough to stay away from my favorites. Looks like it is time to get reacquainted with with the treadmill.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-56588022581051240212009-04-03T11:12:00.003-05:002009-04-03T11:31:16.258-05:00More baby newsLast weekend Joe's sisters came over to pick up girl scout cookies. They were heading out for a girl's night in the area and decided to stop in. He has two sisters and we aren't very close to either of them. I wish we were closer for the kids sake but stuff has happened that maybe I will go into later and we just aren't close.<br /><br />Anyway, his middle sister asked us what we were doing in September. Umm....going to your annual fall party and son's birthday party? Then she said "how about being an aunt and uncle again?" I got fake excited (again, not really close) and told her how happy I was and congrats and when are you due and how far along are you and all the things you ask people who are expecting. Then she laughs and says not me! Her! And points to the oldest sister who turns to the side and shows off her belly which is now housing her 5th, that is right <em>FIFTH</em>, child.<br /><br />Hold on, I say! Back the motha fuckin' truck up! Your husband had a vasectomy, like, 6 years ago! How did this happen? Turns out he had it reversed last summer. They wanted a 5th child so badly he let some guy cut up and poke around in his happy place not once but twice! Holy hell that just isn't right!<br /><br />She said they felt like there was something missing. Now, I totally understand this feeling because I feel it at least 4 times a week (not this week though because we are ready to send the kids to boarding school). I just don't know if I would still feel that way if our four bedroom house was already holding 6 people, four of which were all potty trained, no longer in need of daycare, and quite independent. They are going back to the beginning. I am a little jealous and a little not jealous all at the same time. So.......<br /><br /><div align="center"><strong><span style="font-size:130%;">Congrats Andrea, Tim, and family!</span></strong></div><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">.......and good luck.</span>Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-77934957997710718982009-04-01T14:14:00.002-05:002009-04-01T14:18:31.233-05:00Bribery - I love it!I just bribed Caden with candy to go into the basement to get me a soda. Ah soda. She is my nemesis. I gave it up for awhile when I started this eating healthy crap. I was doing so well for so long. I had bottles of Coke in the basement and I didn't touch them. Then the kids birthday party came along and I figured I could have one soda. What could it hurt. <br /><br />The second that sweet fizzy brown goodness passed my lips I was hooked again. Now I bribe the boy to go into the basement to get me soda. At least it is diet this time.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-48597717064791665312009-04-01T10:50:00.002-05:002009-04-01T11:01:49.693-05:00I'm a pearI haven't done a new me post in a while but it is not because I haven't been working to achieve my goal - it is because the gods came down and shat on us and I have been trying to regain my composure ever since. So today I bring you a belated new me post.<br /><br />I haven't been on the treadmill in a long time. I feel bad about it but I feel like I haven't had time. I have been saying to myself I have to get back on the treadmill but somehow morning turns to bedtime and I still haven't gotten back on the treadmill. Thankfully summer is approaching and I am much more active in the summer. <br /><br />I have continued to eat well and Joe has been a big help with that. Our local grocery store has had some great deals on healthy foods lately and I have taken advantage of it. I love going on the healthy eating page at foodnetwork.com. It has so many great recipes that are easy and really good for you. I have also discovered the amazingness that is ground chicken. It is cheaper than ground beef and so much better for you. We made meatball subs with ground chicken on Saturday and they were amazing!<br /><br />But, it seems like no matter how hard I try I can't seem to slim out my ass and thighs. My chest is better known as the incredible shrinking boobs, my waist and tummy are slimming and becoming flat again but my ass...oh my ass! It just won't go away! I went to get measured for a bridesmaid dress on Sunday. My boobs measured a 4 (dammit), my waist a 6 (getting bigger) and my hips/ass measured a 10! What the hell is up with that! I used to be a nice little hour glass shape with full breasts, a little waist, and firm tight bottom. Now, I am a pear. <br /><br />I need to try to find exercises that will concentrate on my butt and thighs. It is time to start kicking that pears ass!Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-68644014179376525222009-03-25T13:02:00.004-05:002009-03-25T13:23:36.054-05:00Sigh, time for bras againI have been really lazy since I started working from home in September. The three days a week I am home I pull my hair into a pony tail, brush my teeth and settle in on the couch with a blanket and the laptop. Around 8:40 I realize Caden has to go to school and I am still in jammies. So, I change out of jammy pants, into jeans, throw on a jacket and head out the door. <br /><br />Of course, as all you parents out there know, I also have to beg and plead with Caden to stay on task and GET YOUR SHOES ON! WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOCKS ON! PLEASE PUT YOUR COAT ON! OH MY GOD WE ARE LATE! WHY AREN'T YOU LISTENING TO ME!!!! We always manage to make it to school just as the teachers are calling the kids into the classroom. <br /><br />But, alas, spring is here. It is getting warmer and I don't need to put a coat on anymore. While many of you may think this is a wonderful thing I find it throws a knot in my carefully planned morning schedules. Not wearing a coat means my shirt is no longer covered by a large oversized snowboard jacket. This means I not only have to put on a respectable shirt but I also have to, gasp! put on a <em>bra</em>!<br /><br />I haven't worn a bra on Monday, Wednesday, or Friday since it got cold enough that I had to wear a jacket and quickly realized everything was covered! I didn't even have to change shirts! No bra! Comfy jammie shirt! Life couldn't be better.<br /><br />But, alas, it was not meant to be. I enjoy going au naturale but I don't think 20 other moms and grandmas are going to want to see my sagging, breast fed two babies, lost nearly 20 lbs boobs nipping out through a way too thin, cost $3 at Kohl's, cotton tee shirt that I slept in the night before. Come to think of it, I don't know why Joe didn't say something months ago. That can't be a pretty sight.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-78654517030107781212009-03-24T23:08:00.003-05:002009-03-24T23:19:55.453-05:00Do you think the syrup will taste like poop?While at the park on Saturday <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Caden</span> decided he had to poop...really bad. We had two choices. We could walk home and poop at home but probably wouldn't go back to the park or we can risk going to the park bathroom a block away hoping it was unlocked. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Caden</span> isn't stupid. He knew if we went home we wouldn't go back to the park so he chose the park bathrooms. After walking to the block to get there we discovered they were locked until April 13<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">th</span> as a means of saving money.<br /><br />So, off to the house we went. They entire way Payton kept insisting we should just let him poop in a bush or by a tree. She didn't really want to leave the park either. I reminded her pooping in public park wasn't an appropriate action and we should keep our poop in the toilet. <br /><br />After we got home and he did his business, we headed out back for a little play time. It was 65 and sunny and I wasn't about to spend the day inside. We played for several hours and Payton kept bringing up pooping on a tree. I kept telling her there is no reason to poop in the tree when the bathroom is right inside the back door. But she pushed and pushed. She even pretended to pull her pants down behind the tree. <br /><br />I lost it. I got up from my chair and told her to stop. I was forceful and stern and it was clear I was not happy with her behavior. She stopped and there was no more poop talk. She obviously understood she overstepped her bounds.<br /><br />At least I thought she understood. Sunday morning, while I was hiding from the sunlight behind the curtains and under the covers, Joe came into our room PISSED OFF. He told me he couldn't deal with her alone and he needed me. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Payton</span> had just <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">squatted</span> and pooped a giant green poo on my beautiful maple tree. I was mad. I sent her to her room in order to decide her punishment. She was pretty upset when I went to deliver the law. She was hiding under her bed and wouldn't come out.<br /><br />I had her get her shoes on and clean up the poop. I grounded her from friends for the week and was tempted to take the Nintendo away. Then I realized taking the Nintendo away was more of a punishment for me and thought it would be smart to let her keep it. <br /><br />Who ever thought a 7 year old little miss <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">priss</span> would find it amusing to take a crap on a tree? Certainly not me. I guess I shouldn't put anything past my little monsters.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-16462381017887138962009-03-21T18:18:00.002-05:002009-03-21T18:43:10.356-05:00RebirthI looked outside this morning and saw my crocuses were blooming. I put on jeans and sweatshirt and went outside to clear the dead plant material left over from last year. The sedum had little buds poking out of the brown earth. The lillies and irises were were popping out as well. The baptisa and bachelor buttons were poking out. The hyacinth, tulips, and daffodils won't be far behind. It is spring in Wisconsin. It is time for rebirth and renewal. Lord knows our family can use it.<br /><br />It has been quite a craptastic week for our family. Actually, it has been quite a craptastic month. Things got horrid on February 12th and have been getting worse ever since. Shall we review? February 12th my dad experienced the worst day of his life and I felt absolutely helpless. Since then, Joe has been in three accidents. One with Payton in the car. The worst of the accidents happened on March 12th (four weeks to day of my dad's accident) and his car was totaled. It had been out of the shop after being repaired from the last accident for 1 day. <br /><br />Everything seemed to snowball from there. My aunt, who is more like a second mother, lost her dog. She was 12 and lived an amazing life but it is still sad. We found out my uncle will be undergoing procedures to become a woman. My aunt and uncle are ending their 22 year marriage. My brother's father in law died. He was on vacation is FL and had a massive heart attack. It was completely unexpected. He was in his early 60's and left behind a wife, son, and daughter. Then my brother found out some very upsetting news about his wife and is considering leaving her. He is lost and confused and doesn't know if he can handle this. He is my only brother and I ache for him. Joe's grandma was admitted to the hospital. She wasn't eating and was very weak. They thought it was time to move her to a nursing home. Simply craptastic. What else could possibly go wrong?<br /><br />Thankfully, things are looking up. Joe's grandma has made a strong recovery and our fears that she may need to move to a nursing home have been wiped away. Joe found a car he likes and it looks like we will be able to pay cash for it. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to do with our tax return but I don't want to go from one car payment to two. My brother is coping. We spent the day together and the kids really took his mind off of his situation. After much soul searching, I decided that yes, I will be able to accept my uncle as a women. He will still be the same person, he will just be a different gender. My only fear is the divorce will pull him away from the family and we won't see him again. I hope with all my heart that doesn't happen.<br /><br />Please send your good thoughts our way. I am afraid to answer the phone for fear of what bad news might find it's way into our life.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-55835031382587681362009-03-16T17:06:00.002-05:002009-03-16T17:32:45.671-05:00So, Um, Huh.The kids birthday party was this weekend. It was a great party. The chili was spicy, the artichoke dip was hot, and the cheesecake was irresistible. The kids had a wonderful time and got some great gifts. Joe especially loved several of Caden's gifts. I think his favorite is the blowdart toy my brother gave him. Of course, he really likes the cyborg as well. <br /><br />Now the conversation was a little more interesting and I am still trying to digest everything that was said yesterday. There was so much I don't even know where to begin. I guess the beginning is best since starting in the middle won't make too much sense. <br /><br />When I was 15 I moved in with my aunt and uncle for a summer so I could be their nanny. My cousin was 6. My aunt and uncle had just moved into a new house and wanted some help. I was always really close to my aunt and uncle. She is my godmother and I hardly remember a time when my uncle wasn't around. <br /><br />About a year ago, my uncle moved to New York to work. He spent 2 weeks in New York and 2 weeks at home. It worked from them. My cousin was in college and my aunt had three dogs to keep her company. They seemed happy. It seemed like it was working for them. <br /><br />I am sure you think you know where this is going but I promise you you have no idea. At the party yesterday my aunts disappeared into Caden's room and were gone for more than an hour. One of the dogs died yesterday so I thought they were talking about the dog. But then she pulled me, Joe, and some other family members aside for a private conversation. She told us her and my uncle were getting divorced...because my uncle was transitioning to a woman. <br /><br />I will give you a minute to digest what I just said....ready? Good cause I am still trying to take it all in. My uncle is transitioning to a woman. He will stay in New York full time. I don't know when, or if, I will ever see him again. I am sad. I am in shock. My biggest concern his my uncle's...my aunt's????....health. He has substance abuse issues about 10 years ago and I am afraid he will fall off the wagon. His lifestyle recently has not been that of someone trying to stay sober. Of course, his substance abuse issues make more sense now. <br /><br />I don't have good way to end this post. My uncle is going to be my aunt and I probably won't see him again until my cousin gets married and then maybe never again? And my poor cousin. Ugh. That is an entirely different post. How would you react if you found out, at age 20, your dad was not going to be a man anymore?Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-3965723217796691932009-03-11T18:07:00.003-05:002009-03-11T18:25:09.028-05:00A new definition of normalToday is the first day I have felt normal since last Wednesday. Of course, I still feel kind of crappy but I felt well enough to start picking up a bit. I wish I had stayed sick so I didn't have to see what has happened to my house over the last 7 days. It really is quite scary. There are crumbs on the table from dinners and breakfasts past. There are traces of muddy dog prints on the kitchen floor. The bathroom. Oh hell don't even get me started on the bathroom. And my poor fat kitty has been living with a dirty litter box for far too many days.<br /><br />Perhaps the most disturbing bit that I found was in the bathroom. While doing my business I noticed the garbage was getting a bit full. There has been a lotta nose blowin' going on around this place. I grabbed a plastic bag and emptied the can. As the trash fell from the can into the bag I smelled something. That something was so strong it made me gag. As I pulled the can away from the bag I nearly choked. I looked down and saw every single kleenex in the garbage bag was soaked with pee. The bottom of the garbage can was covered in pee. I could see where it had dripped down the side of the can and made on ring on the tile. Ew! Ugh! Gross! I could feel it on my hands.<br /><br />It had to be the boy. I just can't picture Payton squatting over the garbage to do her business. Caden, on the other hand, would definitely decide the garbage is good place relieve himself. So I asked him:<br /><br />Me: Caden! Get in here!<br /><br />C: Okay Mommy.<br /><br />Me: Did you pee in the garbage can.<br /><br />C: No, Payton did.<br /><br />Me: Caden, tell Mommy the truth, did you pee in the garbage can?<br /><br />C: No! Phantom did!<br /><br />Me: Okay. Come on. Lets get out the soap.<br /><br />C: No! I did it. I peed in the garbage.<br /><br />Me: Why did you pee in the garbage?<br /><br />C: I don't know. I just thought it would be fun.<br /><br />Fun huh. Well I don't think he thought it was so fun while he stood over the wash tub cleaning the garbage can, taking the pee kleenex out to the garage, and then cleaning the pee ring off the floor. Hopefully I won't have anymore surprises like that.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-6846646146657076452009-03-09T20:52:00.002-05:002009-03-09T21:11:18.830-05:00Strike three - I'm outStrike 1 - my fever and eventual pneumonia<br />Strike 2 - Caden's fever which popped up yesterday<br />Strike 3 - Payton's fever which popped up 20 minutes ago<br /><br />Y'errrrrr outta there!!!!!<br /><br />Seriously? This sucks big donkey dick. Because I have been sick since Thursday, I have not done much cleaning. And when I say not much I mean I haven't touched anything remotely related to cleaning paraphernalia since Wednesday. I did pick up a stick from the floor. That has to count for something. <br /><br />Alright so no cleaning. I have not shopped for food. Of course, that might not be a bad thing because I haven't invited all of the guests yet. Have I mentioned the party is Sunday? Not shopping for food also involves not ordering a cake. Two cakes actually because god forbid the kids agree on a cake. They both love spongebob. They live for spongebob. They could have picked spongebob. But no! What did they pick? What did they insist they <em>needed</em> to have? High School Musical and Cars. Come on! Give mommy a break!<br /><br />So let's recap: three of the four people who live in this house are sick. I have a birthday party with 30 guests scheduled for Sunday. I have no food, no cake, a filthy house, and have only invited half of the guests. I think I am screwed.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-91916038627566342082009-03-09T11:54:00.002-05:002009-03-09T12:48:02.367-05:00It just keeps getting betterTraditionally I do a new me post on Monday's but I really don't have too much to saying. I spent the better part of last week and the weekend having cold sweats all over the couch and living on orange juice and broth because eating took way too much energy. Of course, I did drop 7 pounds. Not the healthiest way in the world to loose weight but it certainly brought me very close to my goal. Hopefully the weight stays off when my appetite comes back.<br /><br />Crap, what was the purpose of this post? Oh yeah, things just keep getting better. Of course, if you were with me you would hear the sarcasm in my voice and know that really, things just keep getting worse. How so you ask? I went to the doctor today. Normally I would have the luxury of going alone because Caden would be at preschool and Payton would be at school and I could sit happily in the waiting room. <br /><br />That was not the case today. Caden spiked a fever yesterday and stayed home sick today. So he had to come. Picture this will you? A sick, tired (damn daylight savings), feverish, crabby, 4 year old sitting in a doctor's office for 2 HOURS! First he had to wait for my name to be called, then he had to wait for the doctor to come in, then he had to wait for the chest X-ray, then he had to wait for the X-ray to develop, then he had to wait for the doctor AGAIN, then he had to wait in line at the pharmacy while I dropped off my script. I have never played so much I spy at one given time. I read an entire book! And I am not talking a picture book. I am talking one of those beginner chapter books. It was 45 pages long! <br /><br />All in all it was a productive trip. I have pneumonia and will begin antibiotics today. Hopefully I will be feeling half normal by Wednesday. But Caden is still sick so that sucks. I have 30 people coming over on Sunday for a party and the last thing I need is a sick kid. Send healthy thoughts our way! We have a busy week.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1042799200080531363.post-54399274327640387542009-03-08T23:11:00.003-05:002009-03-08T23:28:16.173-05:00Screw you! **UpdatedWhat the hell!?!?!?!?!? I know I live in Wisconsin. I know I had the chance to move out west were it is warm and sunny and people think 50 is freezing. I know I passed up that chance to stay with Joe (best choice I ever made!). I know these were all my decisions and I should not complain. But come on! It was 65 degrees on Thursday. It was 58 degrees on Friday. All of the snow melted. I could see the grass! It was brown but it was grass.<br /><br />Then today mother nature, that spiteful little bitch, decided to screw with me. It snowed all night long. We didn't get a lot of snow and it didn't really stick because it was 35 but come on! How cruel is it to go from 65 to 35 in just 2 days. And it didn't just get cold. It snowed and covered any inkling of spring we saw. It is all gone now. This winter is getting way too long!<br /><br />Seriously, screw you nature.<br /><br />**At least someone is enjoying the snow. I just let the dog out for his last pee before bed and he spent 15 minutes rolling in the snow. Seriously bud, I'm stick (yes, still sick). Hurry it up. Find your spot and go already.Staciehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17905647550176725913noreply@blogger.com1